DLNews Crime:

It’s a courtroom circus no one saw coming, and at the center of it all stands Sean Combs, aka Diddy, the once-untouchable music mogul who’s now more infamous for his alleged crimes than his chart-topping hits. Facing a slew of charges, including human trafficking, drug abuse, and organized sexual violence, Diddy’s legal battles have taken a turn for the surreal with the discovery of a truly baffling piece of evidence: a whopping 1,000 bottles of baby oil. Yes, you read that right—a thousand.

This revelation came during a raid on Diddy’s properties in Miami and Los Angeles earlier this year, where authorities uncovered a cache of evidence that looks less like a nightclub and more like the supply closet of a particularly slippery spa. According to the indictment, the rapper, now 54, allegedly used these bottles in what he dubbed “freak offs”—days-long orgies that reportedly involved drugged victims, coercion, and a whole lot of… lubrication.

Diddy has pleaded not guilty, and while the details of the case are shocking enough, it’s his lawyer, Marc Agnifilo, who’s stealing the spotlight with an explanation that could best be described as… well, bizarre. In a statement to the New York Post, Agnifilo brushed off the mountain of baby oil with the kind of casualness usually reserved for discussing the weather.

Diddy's lawyer, Marc Agnifilo: He wants to prove his famous client's innocence.

“I don’t think there were a thousand,” Agnifilo mused, as though quibbling over a grocery list gone wrong. “I think it was a lot.” A lot? Sure, but that’s like saying Mount Everest is just a tall hill. The lawyer went on to offer an eyebrow-raising defense for the bulk buy: “There’s a Costco just down the street. Americans buy in bulk, as we know.” Because nothing says “everyday shopping” like a trolley full of lubricant.

But it didn’t stop there. Agnifilo doubled down on his defense, pivoting from bulk buying to a pseudo-philosophical stance on modern intimacy. “These are consenting adults who do things with mutual consent. We can’t be so puritanical in this country,” he declared, seemingly oblivious to the glaring irony of his words. Diddy’s alleged victims, many of whom are now bravely coming forward with their own harrowing accounts, are likely left wondering when Costco’s aisles became synonymous with criminal defense.

His lawyers failed in their request to get Combs out of prison (Metropolitan Detention Center) in Brooklyn on bail of 50 million US dollars. The court rejected them twice.

Meanwhile, Diddy remains behind bars at the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn, where his lawyer insists he’s “very focused, committed, helpful, and confident.” It’s a rosy picture painted for a man awaiting trial for some of the most disturbing accusations the music world has ever seen. “His mood is relatively good,” Agnifilo added, a statement that feels as slippery as the evidence itself.

But if found guilty, Diddy’s optimistic disposition might not last. The fallen mogul faces a potential sentence of 15 years to life in prison, a reality that no amount of Costco-sized optimism—or baby oil—can smooth over. In a case already brimming with shocking twists, the bizarre defense strategy might just be the slickest move yet—but whether it’ll hold up in court remains to be seen.