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Just when Canadians thought escaping their freezing tundras for sunny California was a universal right akin to free healthcare and maple syrup, Uncle Sam decided to crash the party. Beginning April 11, 2025, the U.S. government’s latest brilliant idea is set to roll out: mandatory registration for all foreign nationals, 14 years and older, staying in the U.S. for more than 30 days. Canadians, even our polite neighbors to the north, must now fill out Form G-325R online—because, as everyone knows, the Internet never makes mistakes.

Surprisingly exempt from fingerprinting (for now, at least—don’t give them ideas!), Canadians still aren't thrilled. Marilyn Sergeant, a devoted Coachella Valley snowbird since the Clinton era, encapsulated the frustration beautifully: “Why is he doing this to Canadians? We've been spending money, buying homes, supporting your economy, and suddenly there’s no welcome mat.” American hospitality now involves less "Welcome to the USA" and more "Papers, please!"

The new rule doesn't just target our overly polite northern friends. Foreign visitors from across the globe, eager to spend tourist dollars or buy overpriced real estate, must also endure digital bureaucracy and fingerprinting. Imagine traveling thousands of miles to Disneyland, only to find out the real thrill ride is dealing with U.S. immigration forms.

And speaking of fun, if visitors fail to comply, they face fines up to $5,000 or even six months behind bars—because nothing screams "welcome" like the threat of jail time. Welcome to the United States: Land of the free, home of the meticulously registered.

The economic ripple of this policy could be massive. In the Coachella Valley alone, Canadian homeowners possess over 5,000 properties. Realtor panic is palpable, as even a modest exodus could flood the market and tank property values faster than a Silicon Valley startup. Local businesses, from boutique coffee shops to golf courses relying on snowbirds' generosity, might soon discover that fewer Canadians equals fewer loonies (literal and figurative).

The broader U.S. economy might feel this pinch, too. The Canadian Snowbird Association, representing roughly a million winter-weary travelers, is fiercely lobbying against this measure. Their message to Uncle Sam? "If you're going to treat us like we're inconveniencing your border guards, we might just inconvenience someone else's tourism industry."

Adding insult to inconvenience, this regulatory gem emerges amid increasingly frosty U.S.-Canada relations, marred by trade squabbles and diplomatic side-eyes. Other international visitors might also start reconsidering their vacation plans. After all, why visit a place where your welcome feels about as warm as a Canadian January?

In short, America's latest registration requirement could turn a steady stream of eager visitors into a trickle of irritated tourists. But hey, at least we'll know precisely who's annoyed with us—down to their fingertips.